


ain't no shadow (gonna be an early spring)

by crickets



Category: The Killing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 21:53:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crickets/pseuds/crickets





	ain't no shadow (gonna be an early spring)

It's Groundhog Day, well over a year since the Larsen case wrapped, and Linden gets a call.

"Yo, I got something you need to see," he says.

And that's all she really needs to hear.

"When?"

"Tonight," he fumbles with his words. "Or, you know, whenever you got time."

"I'm on my way."

She won't need directions to his new place.

_She already knows the way._

-

At first there's an hour spent poring over files and Holder sits a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of her halfway through. There's a cheese plate, which he pulls from the fridge, wrapped neatly in cellophane, and Sarah gives him a crooked grin when he sets it down.

"What? _I'm cultured_ , Linden."

She laughs and pops a cube of smoked gouda into her mouth.

He goes back to pacing. She goes back to reading and nursing her wine. After a while she closes the last file and she reaches for her glass, downing it. Holder takes that as a sign.

"So, what? Do you think there's a connection?"

"Maybe there is," she pushes the stack in front of her away. "But, I'm not a cop anymore, remember? What am I supposed to do about it?" She doesn't say this cruelly. Just as a matter of fact.

"I don't know," Holder says. "Things change, Sarah. I'm sure you could think of something. Or maybe I just needed a second opinion, you know?"

She looks over at the corner of the room where Holder's still got a small white plastic Christmas tree sitting on an end table, covered in tinsel and dust, neglected in the two months since it had any relevance.

Holder shrugs. "Been working a lot," he offers. "Haven't had time."

Linden tries to joke. "Careful, Holder. You're gonna turn into me." But it doesn't come out as funny. It comes out as mean. And she immediately regrets the comment when she sees his face fall. She remembers a day in the psych ward, Holder leaning over the table next to her, promising her he'd do anything to get her out.

 _And he did_.

"That was..." she starts.

"I gotcha..." he says. "No hard feelings."

She takes her glass to the kitchen, thanks him for the wine, and when she turns back around he's there, right in front of her. His fingers graze her hair, which she wears down for once.

"Your hair got long again," he whispers this, almost a growl, and Sarah closes her eyes when he twists his fingers in it and gently tugs.

-

She remembers a day last spring, less than a year ago.

Holder invites her to his one-year sobriety "celebration shin-dig thing" as he'd called it. "It's sorta formal," he says on the phone. "I want you to be there."

She wears a white dress and her hair falls just an inch or two below her chin. Holder wears a suit and she has to admit he looks handsome, there with his nephew and his sister, laughing and looking good. Looking healthy. A proper family at his side.

 _Sometimes that's all it takes_.

The restaurant has outdoor seating and Sarah doesn't know anybody there but Stephen. It's a bunch of people from NA - a group thing - most celebrating their respective milestones. She thought he'd have invited more people from work. The job he's worked for over a year without her. But there's only her.

He kisses his nephew goodbye, hugs his sister, puts them in a cab. Then the two of them walk together to his new place, because it's only a few blocks and he wants her to see it.

When they walk she asks him what one year means, in the program.

"Don't mean shit," he says. "I mean. It's tomorrow that really counts, right?"

And Sarah can feel her face spread into a smile.

_Same old Holder._

-

The new place has got an open floor plan, like the last one, but a lot more square footage. It looks good, and she's almost jealous. Because he obviously put a lot of work into it. And when he gives her the tour she can tell how proud he is.

After, she's looking out the big bay window, waiting while he gets something from the back. He comes up behind her, hands her a medallion, looking at it from over her shoulder, his face close to hers, brushing against her hair. "Liz gave that to me last night at dinner," he says, all giddy. "Says I've come full circle now."

Linden closes it in her palm, and turns, presses it back into his hand. "I'm sure she's very proud," she says, and when he takes too long to let go of her hand and pocket the coin, she looks up into green eyes.

"Never seen you in a dress before, Linden," he says, and she realizes how close they are, closes her eyes when she feels him grip her waist. He puts his forehead to hers and she cups his face in her hands, lets him kiss her first.

"I have a boyfriend," she says, her lips breaking from the kiss, though she knows he knows this already.

"It's cool, Linden, I got a girl too," and he says it in a way that tells her he's lying, but that in no way stops her from kissing him back.

She lets him go down on her first, her dress pulled up, there on the couch, and he brings her almost all the way there. When she says his name she doesn't remember if she says Holder, or Stephen, jesus, or just "oh fuck," because he has this way of bringing her close and then easing up, and she almost wants to kick him in the head, but she doesn't.

He laughs and she reaches down and yanks his hair in protest, and then finally... finally.

 _Finally_.

She kind of doesn't remember what happened between then and the trek back to the bedroom, but she remembers how he is all knees and elbows and knocking pictures off the walls, and how she is barely able to walk because, well... you know.

She remembers his back, all lean and muscular, and the way he said her name when he came. After, she traces the scars on his shoulder. "Got knifed," he says. "way back." And then he kisses her again and they're back to it until he falls asleep.

She showers, puts her dress back on, and brushes his short hair back from his forehead before kissing him goodbye.

-

And it's not like they haven't seen each other since last spring, because Holder's always got some excuse to bother her about a case, just like tonight. But this is the first time they've been alone like this, the first time they've been so close.

He lets his thumb graze her chin, her hair still loosely tangled in his fingers.

"Stephen," Sarah says, and her voice sounds like she's firing off a warning.

"I know, I know," he says, bows his head. "You got a man."

"Actually..." she shrugs, a tiny grin spread across her lips. "I don't. Not anymore."

_-fin_  



End file.
